By Jane Carlton

I dabbled with naming this post “Change Isn’t Scary,” but that would be a straight up lie. To me, change is terrifying. Whether it’s something as simple as buying a new helmet or as complicated as switching barns, change has always left me quaking.

Take, for example, my recent search for new headgear. My tried-and-true-and-totally-safe helmet wasn’t as comfortable as I would have liked, so out hunting I went. I tried on more helmets than I’d like to admit, fell in love with a few, and always went home empty handed. For me, taking the leap to swap something as silly as a helmet was enough to say, “A headache after each ride is normal. This one is fine.”

So, it goes without saying that I avoid change like the plague, right? Well, readers, that’s where you’re wrong. Even though a change in clothing or routine or anything scares me to the bone, I will always yearn for it. And while nothing about me is even on the spectrum of normal, I think that’s pretty common. I’m a window-shopper. A daydream-about-dropping-everything-and-living-on-a-farm kind of woman. I envy people that can change aspects of their life (horse or non) at the drop of a hat.

Many of the changes at the forefront of my mind at any given time are entirely unreasonable. Unless I win the lottery tomorrow (here’s hoping!), I’m not going to be able to afford a top show horse or a perfect farm in the country. Luckily for me, I’m in charge of my own life (although it may not seem so at times), and I can make little changes that will satisfy my mind. Just a few weeks ago, I chopped five inches off my hair. I look and feel totally different (in a great way!) and didn’t have to sacrifice anything huge to do so. And when one of the helmets I was ogling came up on sale, I bought it without (too much) hesitation. Sure, my head is happy with a fresh ‘do and new gear, but my mind is also at ease knowing that I have the power to change—no matter how small it may be.

Categories: The Anxious Amateur