I’ve discovered the 21st century version of a letter to Santa. It’s the query to Google.

We all know Google is the Book of Knowledge, or what passes for Knowledge in the shadowy world of the Internet. But it may be taking the place of the letter to Santa, as well.

This discovery came courtesy of the nifty tracker on my website for horse show parents. It tells me what queries people are using to find my site.

Usually they are looking for info on ‘‘horse show clothes’’ or ‘‘horse show moms.” But one day I stumbled on this plaintive question: “How can I get my parents to buy me a horse?”

The girl who typed that question (yes, I’m sure it was a girl) may not have known it but she came to the right place. Husband and I are parents who had no intention of owning a horse yet through the application of some mysterious force did, in fact, buy our daughter a horse.

What this little girl wants to know is what this mysterious force is and how she can apply it to her own parents. Thirty years ago she probably would have asked Santa for a horse. Now she’s asking Google. This is the modern age.

So for her sake and the sake of countless other little girls, I’m setting forth the system that worked on me and Husband. Parents, please forgive me. But misery and horse show moms love company.

1. Use reverse psychology at the beginning. Let’s say you are scheduled to take riding lessons. Plead to get out of it. Declare you would rather do anything than ride a big, stinky horse. Be forced to, and immediately fall in love. The surprise factor will catch your parents off-guard, and give them the false impression that they were right to insist on the lessons, leading to the fuzzy notion that horses are somehow good for you.

2. Pick a barn that is far away from your house. The half-hour or longer drive each way will make your mom believe she has a lot invested in this activity. Spend the time on the drive rhapsodizing about horses. This will have a hypnotic effect on your mom as she dodges traffic, bypassing her rational mind and lodging directly in the subconscious.

3. Become obsessive. Spend an inordinate amount of time helping at the stables, cleaning tack and mucking stalls. This will first bewilder your mother, since you show none of this cleaning aptitude at home. But gradually she will begin to take it as a positive sign that you might have a cleaning streak in your personality after all. She will be mistaken, but the whole business will serve your purpose, which is to make her feel good about “this horse thing.”

4. Start small. Collect Breyer horses and all the accessories. Also, spend some of your allowance on a hoof pick or other odd horse implement. These activities accomplish two things. It will get your parents used to spending money on horse-related items – a crucial step. And it will convince them that you really, really, REALLY love horses.

5. Now you’re ready for the more direct route. First, tell your parents that you want to show horses. If they have any idea of what this means – or even if they don’t – they will protest. Calm their panic by telling them about open shows, and how you can borrow your friend Emily’s clothes and ride one of the lesson horses.

6. Escalate the process. With a few shows under your belt, start making vague noises about having your own horse, because it would be better for showing, etc. etc. Your parents will panic again. Tell them about leasing. Many parents won’t be aware that a horse can be leased like copiers and cars. They will, poor things, think this limits their involvement to a kind of toe-in-the-water move toward seeing if, maybe, someday in the distant future, owning a horse might make sense.

7. Spring the trap. Assuming your parents by now have either caught a bit of horse show fever themselves, or at least are devoted enough to your own happiness to keep this game going, now’s the time to make the ask. Start by talking about the horses for sale at your barn. Mention the most expensive ones first. Once they’ve heard about the high-dollar horses, you can zero in on a more modestly price model that you want. The relief alone will propel them relentlessly toward the notion of actual purchase. As is usual with such requests, make extravagant promises about the chores you’ll do, and the things you’ll gladly do without, to have a horse.

8. Congratulations! If you’ve worked the process flawlessly, and your parents are anything like us and our friends, any day now you’ll walk into the barn to find your very own horse waiting for you. Remember to thank mom and dad profusely. Oh, and save this list. It’ll help for that day you start working toward your own car.

P. S. If none of the above works…there’s still Santa.

Horsey Holidays, all!

Ange Dickson Finn is a horse show mom of almost ten years’ duration, who is still not quite sure how this happened. Her family consists of an ever-patient horse show father, a college student/western pleasure rider, two half-Arabian show horses, and a one-eyed dog.